The Land of Limbo

Limbo. That's exactly what waiting to go into labor with your first baby feels like. Each day begins and ends with me wondering "When is Jake coming? Will I go into labor today/tonight?". The middles of my days consist of the same questions peppered with additions like "Why am I not having any more contractions today?" and "He's stubborn like his parents so he's gonna make us wait longer!". And here's the thing, it's not like my due date has come and gone. It's not even here yet. It's 2 days away. But I think we all thought he was going to come a little early and man has that thrown me for a loop! And I'm not the most patient person anyway. And this is all new and unknown to me so I'm ready to get on with it, get it over with. So when Neal said last night that he felt like he was in limbo, I agreed. He hit the nail on the head. I feel like I am constantly trying to be ready for an event but I have lost my invitation....you know, that handy little thing with all the pertinent information on it, like time and date. Highly annoying. So I scramble part of the time, thinking everything must be perfect and ready at a moment's notice (i.e. no dirty laundry, bathrooms spic and span, dishes washed, etc.), and the rest of the time I'm convinced he's never coming so I let some things wait until tomorrow. Of course, at the beginning of each tomorrow I repeat this cycle by making a mile long list of things that HAVE to be done TODAY, only to reach the same pessimistic conclusion and let some of those things go until tomorrow....and round and round I go. This would explain why at the slightest abdominal twinge at about midnight last night I frantically threw clothes in the washer because there were a few items I wanted at the hospital that were not clean. It would also explain why those same items now sit in the dryer on pause, waiting for me to fold them and pack them. So here's the current state of things:

• I have Neal's bag almost all packed. I have only to add a couple of under shirts and pairs of socks to his bag. All of Jake's things are laid out and need only to be packed. (With the exception of his coming home outfit needing to be steamed to get rid of a few wrinkles.) And me? I've packed nothing for myself. Because I need all those things right now. I'll pack them when I start to feel regular contractions because I'll have a little bit of time....right? 
• The apartment is clean and clutter free for the most part. The only things that really need to be done to it today are making the bed, keeping the kitchen clean and vacuuming. 
• I need a few things from the grocery store. I hate to buy them and then go into labor, but if I don't we'll have no milk and nothing for me to pack for Neal's lunches if I don't go into labor.

But the thing is, I don't want to do any of those things. It's not like it would take long at all. I could be done in a couple of hours I'm sure. So why don't I want to? Is it because I got almost no sleep last night? Am I stalling from a fear of childbirth? One would think I'd be rushing around frantically, yet here I sit in the lovely Land of Limbo, and all I want to do is scream "What are we waiting for?!?!?!"