A Date Ain't Nothin' But a Number

August 18, 2012. Yesterday. It's been marked on my calendar, embedded in my brain, for months. It was Jake's due date. But Jake didn't think twice about it. It was just another day to him. "I'm comfy and I'm not budging. I have it made in here and I know it." That was his message to anyone and everyone that was listening. "Jake Watch 2012" began yesterday morning at about 7:00am. (Well ok, "Jake Watch" has been going on for about a week now, but I mean like the official one.) Neal and I had been awake for a little bit and couldn't lay there any longer. I had my weekend treat of coffee, which I look forward to all week, and Neal made me breakfast. We then got down to business....the business of doing our part to "help" Jake arrive "on time". We went to the park and walked. And walked. It was harder for me than it had been yet and that was encouraging! I think I may have even waddled. It seemed promising. Next we had a little snack and headed out to the pool. (May I just say that having a pool this summer has been fantastic. A lifesaver even.) We spent the afternoon lounging and swimming, reading and walking the pool. And what happened? I got a nice tan, almost finished my book, and got some good exercise. All good things, yes, but not exactly what I was going for. Well, that was ok. We showered and changed and headed on over to Neal's mom Susie's house for dinner. We sat on the deck talking and laughing for hours. We wanted to eat a little later because we thought maybe if we kinda threw Jake off his schedule a little it might spur him to come on out. We had the best red beans and rice topped with tomatoes and....jalapenos! Now I've been eating jalapenos every day on my sandwiches and I had a nice pile of them on my dinner last night. Jake didn't care. (We joked last night that he had set up his office in there with a typewriter and everything and is not gonna budge!) We stayed up late in an attempt to throw off baby's schedule even more but to no avail. I even had some light contractions in the late night/early morning hours. They weren't even very irregular. But as soon as I lay down they stopped. I understand that only 5% of babies arrive on their actual due date. I get that. Nothing to be done bout it really. I mean we can try all these methods but, well, it's not time until its time. So today we're being lazy and loving it. We've been lounging and watching Andy Griffith reruns all afternoon. And Jake is just a-squirmin'. Maybe that means he's getting restless and ready and maybe it doesn't. I'm about to go walking. Maybe it will make a difference, maybe not. I will say this in all seriousness: I really do not want to have to be induced, which will be exactly what happens if I hit 41 weeks. Especially with it being my first child. I don't want stronger contractions and a more difficult, intense labor. I want to know what it feels like to go into labor on my own. I do know that it is out of my control and that however it happens will be the way God intended for whatever reasons He has. He does know best. I know I sure don't, so I'm pretty glad He's in control and not me. But I'm still going walking. Right now.

The Land of Limbo

Limbo. That's exactly what waiting to go into labor with your first baby feels like. Each day begins and ends with me wondering "When is Jake coming? Will I go into labor today/tonight?". The middles of my days consist of the same questions peppered with additions like "Why am I not having any more contractions today?" and "He's stubborn like his parents so he's gonna make us wait longer!". And here's the thing, it's not like my due date has come and gone. It's not even here yet. It's 2 days away. But I think we all thought he was going to come a little early and man has that thrown me for a loop! And I'm not the most patient person anyway. And this is all new and unknown to me so I'm ready to get on with it, get it over with. So when Neal said last night that he felt like he was in limbo, I agreed. He hit the nail on the head. I feel like I am constantly trying to be ready for an event but I have lost my invitation....you know, that handy little thing with all the pertinent information on it, like time and date. Highly annoying. So I scramble part of the time, thinking everything must be perfect and ready at a moment's notice (i.e. no dirty laundry, bathrooms spic and span, dishes washed, etc.), and the rest of the time I'm convinced he's never coming so I let some things wait until tomorrow. Of course, at the beginning of each tomorrow I repeat this cycle by making a mile long list of things that HAVE to be done TODAY, only to reach the same pessimistic conclusion and let some of those things go until tomorrow....and round and round I go. This would explain why at the slightest abdominal twinge at about midnight last night I frantically threw clothes in the washer because there were a few items I wanted at the hospital that were not clean. It would also explain why those same items now sit in the dryer on pause, waiting for me to fold them and pack them. So here's the current state of things:

• I have Neal's bag almost all packed. I have only to add a couple of under shirts and pairs of socks to his bag. All of Jake's things are laid out and need only to be packed. (With the exception of his coming home outfit needing to be steamed to get rid of a few wrinkles.) And me? I've packed nothing for myself. Because I need all those things right now. I'll pack them when I start to feel regular contractions because I'll have a little bit of time....right? 
• The apartment is clean and clutter free for the most part. The only things that really need to be done to it today are making the bed, keeping the kitchen clean and vacuuming. 
• I need a few things from the grocery store. I hate to buy them and then go into labor, but if I don't we'll have no milk and nothing for me to pack for Neal's lunches if I don't go into labor.

But the thing is, I don't want to do any of those things. It's not like it would take long at all. I could be done in a couple of hours I'm sure. So why don't I want to? Is it because I got almost no sleep last night? Am I stalling from a fear of childbirth? One would think I'd be rushing around frantically, yet here I sit in the lovely Land of Limbo, and all I want to do is scream "What are we waiting for?!?!?!"

The First Entry....Here Goes

My life has always been interesting I guess, in the way that most lives are, but in the last two years it's become more of a "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride". I'm pretty happy about it really. I've learned more and experienced more in this time, both good and bad. It has been a road full of ruts and bumps at times, much like a giant slalom, teaching me the value of shock absorbers as well as flexibility. The uphills and downhills have rivaled that first incline on a roller coaster. You know, the one that has you tingling with anticipation on the way up and flings your stomach into your throat on the way down....and you love it. You giggle and scream. Sometimes it makes you a little weak in the knees. So for those of you that just happen to stumble upon this blog and read it, as well as for those of you that know me in some way but don't necessarily know my life that well, perhaps I should provide a little history....yes? Ok, but a brief history. After all, you didn't come to this page to read a text book.
Here's the contents of the nutshell that is my brief recent history. In the last two years I have:

• Gotten divorced. It was civilized and ended with no ill will toward each other. It just wasn't meant to be.
• Began a new relationship with an old high school friend named Neal and am very happy. We're the likeliest unlikely couple there ever was. We have our own way, we're different, we occupy our own world, and we love it.
• Beginning a new family with Neal. Yes, as I sit here typing this I am experiencing piercing heartburn and working around a large belly where our son currently resides. He is due in 3 days.
• Moved to a new city (smack dab in the middle of pregnancy), 3 hours away from my family and all my friends.

You might think I'm crazy. You might be partly right. But I am happy and this life is mine. And I love it. So hang on and enjoy the ride with me if you like. Maybe it seems more interesting and exciting to me than it actually is. That's ok. Or maybe you'll be entertained and decide to stick around. That's ok too. The main point of having this blog at all is the fact that yes, my life has changed and is changing so quickly, and the majority of those I want to share it with are not close by. So really it's a tool for me and maybe some therapy too, as well as a way for those who wish to keep up and in touch to do so. I suppose it is the narration, hopefully an interactive one, of the ride of my life.